Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
whose parrot is this?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
