I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
