I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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