I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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