I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
