I love black thongs
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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