I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Randomize
