She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
