Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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