he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
