Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
