I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
