I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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