this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
40s are totally the cure
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
