so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
