I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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