Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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