we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
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some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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