you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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