we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
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he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
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Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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