I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
