you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
