it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
