stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
