I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm both gender and math confused
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
