i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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