I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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