WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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