she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
