Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
