my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
