I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
