he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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