just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
