One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
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No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
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I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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