I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
