I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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