Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm passing your future prison.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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