how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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