just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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