So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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