Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize