In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
