dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
