They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
