It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
