Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
