just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
