If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
