You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
