Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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