do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
