Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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