i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Randomize
