What did we do last night that was yellow?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Randomize
