Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
