She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
love makes seman taste better
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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