The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
