i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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