At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
