last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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