he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
