She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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